Do you Allow Other People's Opinions Affect Your Mood?

Okay, so I used to allow other people's opinions to affect my mood. Now I have narrowed it down to a smaller group of people. Even when I think I have convinced myself that their opinion won't upset me, they say something I wasn't expecting and blammo! I'm having a bad day. Some of these people I think might just be doing it for sport, to get a rise out of me. Some I believe genuinely don't realize how their words impact those around them.

Trying to have a friendly conversation with an ex. He has moved on, seemingly content in life. Calls me one day out of the blue last week after not talking for 3 weeks, says he needs to see me, needs a hug, he's having a bad day. Hugs me when I see him, cries that he always wanted to be with me, wanted me to have his baby. We talk some, I leave. I text today and he seems short. Tells me something I said didn't sit well with him the other day. Why didn't you say something before now, I asked? I can't fix or explain what I don't know about.

Turns out the fact that I even mentioned I thought about moving on and trying to date, seemed to annoy him. He is living with another woman, no intention of leaving, but I'm not allowed to move on? If I end up sleeping with someone else - he basically called me slutty if I do. Double standard is, I called him on it, why is he allowed to sleep with another woman and live with her but I'm not. Truth comes out. It will be okay with him if I move on with someone as long as I promise to have sex with him still, now and again.... and I'm the one being called slutty.

Rewind a month and someone I dated for a month when I was 17 - never slept with - messaged me one day. Wanted to meet for coffee. We do. Seems to be some mutual attraction. He says he isn't in a relationship with his childrens' mother. They have a 'mutual agreement' when the kids are out of the house they are going their separate ways. First one is leaving for college in a couple weeks. They work opposite shifts so they don't sleep in the bed at the same time but as far as the kids are concerned they are together. they go to family functions together blah blah blah... I know... I realize how stupid this sounds as I am writing this out but at the time piece by piece it seemed legit. Until the childrens' mother messages me one day and introduces herself as his other half and wants to meet up. So I agree, I have nothing to hide cause I haven't done anything wrong. I didn't sell him under the bus but oh ya, as far as she's concerned they are together.

So I tell this gentlemen. We can still talk and do coffee as long as she knows about it and is okay with it and she can even come along cause I DO NOT want to be the other woman. We both agree there still is a mutual attraction and sucks that the timing obviously is not going to work out. Fast Forward two weeks and we have been chatting here and there...last night and this morning he has been hounding me to hook up and have sex with him. Nice to be desired I suppose but I'm not convinced it's me, or any woman would do and he thinks I'm convenient. I'm not going to. I told him no. Just feel crappy these two make me feel wanted and then used in a short amount of time.

I think I give up on men. I have to give up on these ex's anyways. But these experiences make me gun shy to even try someone new =/ So it's noon and already my day has gone to crap.,.. Yesterday I had come to terms that they don't want me. I was not going to have any expectation of them. If they didn't text, I wouldn't care, I wouldn't allow myself to feel rejected anymore. But basically being called a slut this morning for even thinking of dating another man and then a basically married man asking me to have sex today.... well it's affected my mood. I should just cut them loose.

After the morning I had I just needed to vent and my best friend isn't available =/

Is it Better to have Loved and Lost?

I finally have the courage to publish this today July 23rd 2015... I wrote this a year ago. I will have to write a follow up lol

It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.... famous saying. Is it really true? Have you ever loved someone and lost them for whatever reason? Be it cheating, death, just growing apart. Whatever the excuse...I'm sorry... whatever the reason is that you have 'lost' your love. It doesn't feel 'better to have loved and lost' at that moment. The heartache, the questions, the lack of sleep because you're brain won't stop. Was it something I did that was the demise of the love. Could I have something different? better? sexier, nicer? funnier?
I don't know about you but I remember when I was in my late teens and dreamt about love, what it would be like. I never dreamt that love can also make you feel so sad. However a couple of times I 'loved' someone who I could never have. That kind of love causes heartache but I realize now its a different type of heartache. At least when you love someone from a distance there's that little voice in your head that says, if only the circumstances were right and the object of your affection knew how you felt, or was not attached to someone else... or whatever excuse you've given yourself as to why this love match could never be....that the relationship could work if whatever obstacle was out of the way. So hope, daydreams keep that love alive in your heart and head even if it never comes to fruition. There is some pain in your heart knowing that you can't have the object of your affection.
To ACTUALLY be in some sort of love relationship with someone where you two connect through talk. Mutual discussion of your attraction to each other, you kiss or make out, heck you maybe have even had the opportunity to have sex. You have allowed yourself to become vulnerable, opened some or all of the following... your soul, heart, mind and possibly your even your body. For however long, be it one month, one year or one decade. So when the love is 'lost' it hurts sooooo deep. Especially if it's the first time it happened. I have 'lost' love a couple of times. More recently I have had the struggle with someone with whom I've opened up my soul with and talked to about my thoughts and feelings more than anyone I ever had in my life. I've only known this person 7 months. I feel more intimately closer with this person than I ever have with anyone... and I don't mean physically intimate, I mean I have never felt like I've never allowed myself to be more vulnerable in front of someone than I have with this person. I let my walls come down, all of them... For the first time in my life, I am just being myself with this person, and he likes me, yep thinks I'm a little goofy but the more we talk, the closer I feel we are becoming, to the point he even feels protective of me. He has stood up for me when someone was sexist and just a pig to me. No one has ever done that for me before... it's all new to me, it's all good. There is just the struggle of what we actually are... for a couple of months there, it was the possibility of a relationship lingering over our heads. There is definitely a mutual attraction. We have talked,  he is fairly recent out of his marriage and I am new out of my relationship, so we decided that neither of us knows what the future holds but for now we will just stay friends because trying to be anything else is just too complicated as we are trying to figure out where our own individual life's are going. I've had some struggles last week, emotional trying to separate myself out of the old relationship, the guilt I feel because it is my choice and the hurt I feel because the other person is just not an angry, bitter, not nice person... before the separation. So my friend suggested I come over and talk. I did. It was really late though, I had spent the evening with a girlfriend, going out to dinner and talking to her about everything going on in my life. It was late when I left her house, my male friend gave me the out saying it was late and he knew I had a long drive home. He said he was torn. He wanted to see me but didn't want me to drive home so tired.
I wanted to see him, so I went. We watched 10 mins of Saturday night live and when it went to commercial he turned off the tv... and asked me to talk. I was sort of 'talked out' by that time. Emotionally spent from reliving it with my girlfriend. I said a few things with my male friend and then said I'm sort of tired of talking. Asked him if he was not tired of listening to my sad life. What he did next I think has changed my life... it's only been a few days but still so fresh in my psyche. We were leaned back relaxing and he said 'come here' and this man hugged me and held me so hard... I lost track of time but it had to be for 30-60 mins. He would just hug me harder and caress my back. No words were spoken, other than me about half way through telling him that he was something else. I don't really remember how the hug got broken whether it was him or me but he motioned me to roll over, we spooned, his arm around me, caressing my not skinny belly and eventually we fell asleep. It was such a connection, and intimacy, with no sex even required but during this hug I knew I was falling in love with the man. Problem is he has made it known to me a few weeks ago that he thinks there is something missing between him and me for him. He is missing some sort of connection that makes it know for him that he would be happy with me. He also seems hung up on the fact that my height is too close to his. I keep having to pull my emotions back because every once in awhile I find myself falling hard for this man. His sense of humour is awesome and we have THE best sometimes weirdest but i wouldn't change it for the world, conversations. Sometimes I find it hard and hurtful that every two weeks or so almost like clock work, he pulls away. Whether because he is afraid because he feels he is getting too close or what. I've tried to ask him about it but he isn't much of a talker unless I get him face to face, then he says it's hard to say to my face. I assume it's not great news for me lol. Then the questions come. What's wrong with me, why am I not good enough? But the next time we have a conversation, he brings me back up and I realize that my heart is ahead of my head that I'm not really ready for that relationship. It would be just a mistake for us to get together now because we are dealing with our own baggage.
So maybe we will just be really amazing friends and that's all we were meant to be. All I know is that I love this man like I've never loved anyone, Not even meaning romantically. I am going to allow myself to continue to love him with my brain in the game knowing exactly what this is...Yep, I might end up hurting my heart in the end, but to experience this love and to possibly 'lose' it is a risk I'm willing to take, and if our friendship means when we aren't attached to anyone else that he can lay down and hug me and hold me like he did... I think I'm ok with that.
I agree now...it IS hard to have loved and lost... it hurts like HELL, I'm not going to lie, but I think to experience the profound happiness and love that this man gives me and makes me feel out weighs the risk of getting hurt in the end.